so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
