No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
