Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
