Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
