Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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