People with herpes should wear stickers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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