so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
