recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
