is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
