yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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