Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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