I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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