You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize