Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He has the fingertips of a God
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
