Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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