awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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