I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
