This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
