I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
