i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
