you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
