so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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