I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
