I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
