Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
