Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
