I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
