my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
