She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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