to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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