I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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