I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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