Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
