Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize