Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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