Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
