just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
