Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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