Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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