So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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