Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
