Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he thought i was a dude.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
