good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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