kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
