i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
