Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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