is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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