ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
