I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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