Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
