THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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