i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
