if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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