Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
