Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize