and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
