Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize