lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
