Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
