eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize