I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
