Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
