I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
