member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
