these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
