The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
