In the future we'll all be gay
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
