his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
