My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
