I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
