Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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