I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
