Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
