no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i came on her dog
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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