The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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