I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
