Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
