Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
