I should be sponsored by Trojan
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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