Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
