WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
