hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And then he peed in my hair
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