Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
