Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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