I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
