Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
