wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
high people should be assigned attendants
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
